Loaded Questions
Question 2: Is our church a welcoming place for the LGBTQ community?
Pastor Rick Henderson May 3-4, 2025
Welcome to Autumn Ridge and welcome to week two of this series, Loaded Questions. We’re doing our best to offer thoughtful answers to questions that were asked by some of you. Not only are we trying to answer questions with the sermon. We are hosting a live Q&A immediately after this service and every service. Maybe that seems like a good idea to you. Maybe that seems like a bad idea. This is our motto, our anthem for this series.
SERIES THESIS: Faith doesn’t HIDE from questions; FEAR does.
I believe that. I don’t want to be a coward. None of us does. And yet, a part of me wants to hide from today’s question.
QUESTION: Is our church a welcoming place for the LGBTQ community?
Some of you came today because you knew this was the question. I’m so glad you’re here. Some of you may regret coming today because you didn’t realize this would be the question. Well, I’m glad you’re here, too. The only person that I’m NOT glad is here is me!
I love talking about this [Point to “welcoming’]. There is nothing in me that wants to bring this up [Point to “LGBTQ”]. This topic doesn’t even show up on the list of things that I love to talk about and teach. Honestly, I think I’d rather pee on an electric fence. Why do I say that?
- Many people feel so strongly, in both directions, that it’s virtually impossible for them to hear what is actually said.
- Having this discussion feels like dancing through a minefield. And I don’t know where the landmines are for you. I’m not afraid for myself. And yet, I feel a bit on edge because people from all sides of this conversation have different landmines. And I don’t know when I will set off one of yours. I don’t take that lightly.
- Here’s one more reason, and this is going to sound a little bit like whining. I apologize ahead of time. It doesn’t matter how I say it or how many times I include this in a sermon; a month from now, someone will email me complaining that I never talk about this.
So, why dance through the minefield…again? Because some of you are asking this question. I’m asked this question multiple times every month. We’ve decided that we’re not going to hide from questions. It doesn’t matter what the question is. It doesn’t matter the motive behind the question. We value questions because we value people. All questions and all people.
I’ve been off Facebook for a couple of years now, but someone recently told me that on the Spotted in Rochester page, they saw posts from people commenting that Autumn Ridge is an affirming church, and comments from people stating that we are an anti-LGBTQ church. Apparently, that scenario has played out several times. Do you believe this?
Clarity is KINDNESS.
I believe that. I’m convinced that love means that I owe a debt of clarity to you. So, I will give a direct and candid answer. I won’t make you wait much longer. But, before I can serve up the answer, I need to set the table. Let’s start by acknowledging who is in the room today.
NOT FOLLOWERS
- Affirming, Allies
- Non-affirming
- Anti…
I recognize that some of you may equate non-affirming and being anti-LGBTQ as the same thing. That doesn’t make sense to me. Aren’t there people in your life who regularly do things that you can’t affirm, or who have beliefs you can’t affirm, but you love them so bad it hurts? There’s no sacrifice you wouldn’t make for them. I can see that many of you resonate with that. I think our collective relational experiences demand from us that we don’t equate these two.
- Parents of…
- Why should I care?
FOLLOWERS
- Affirming, Allies
- Non-affirming
- Anti…
- Parents of…
- Confused or Conflicted
Who is missing?
LGBTQ
And yes, they are on both sides: not followers of Jesus and followers of Jesus.
These letters cannot be reduced to an issue. For too long, there have been culture wars over these letters. Right now, and I think this is a very grievous thing, there is a political war over this letter [T]. But these aren’t just letters and categories. Do you know what these letters represent? These letters represent people.
If you’ve ever read about the life and teaching of Jesus from the people who knew him, then you know that Jesus always saw people. When everyone else reduced the crowds to categories: ethnicity, socio-economic status, religious affiliation, behaviors, or whatever, Jesus saw people. And he was moved with compassion. In my opinion, that should humble us and inspire us.
Jesus was people-oriented to such an extreme that it fractured the religious establishment. If you were considered unclean or diseased, you could touch Jesus, and he would affirm your dignity by touching you back. Nothing weird. Nothing sexual. 100% dignity-affirming.
The least religious people, the ones with big reputations for low morals, loved being around Jesus. And he loved being around them. Jesus was a “yes” to every invitation. If you invited him to a party, he would come. Church people, get ready for an awkward truth. Jesus went to parties where there were professional sex workers in attendance.
He shattered expectations, and the powerbrokers in the religious establishment labelled him a glutton and a drunk. They didn’t know what to do with him because he didn’t fit within their preconceived categories. That continues to be true today.
The very Jesus that I just described to you also talked about sin. He talked about sex. He talked about biological incongruencies and matters that we might label as gender issues. He talked about things people didn’t want to discuss in polite company, and he talked about holiness and God’s design for human flourishing and well-being. He also talked about the reasons why we get it wrong.
MARK 7:20-23 He went on: “What comes out of a person is what defiles them. For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and defile a person.”
He wasn’t just talking about some people. He was talking about all people. In all people, that includes me and all of you, there is something malformed and morally broken that means that 100% of us and 100% of humanity are in conflict with, and even violating, God’s good design for life. So, how does that relate to this question?
QUESTION: Is our church a welcoming place for the LGBTQ community?
I may be the wrong person to ask because I’m not a part of that community. The best people to answer how welcoming we are to members of this community who are part of the community. From the depths of my heart, I hope they say yes. It means the world to me, and I know it means the world to many of you, because you’ve told me, yes! We desperately want to be a place of rest, comfort, friendship, community, kindness, and belonging for everyone without qualification or hesitation.
We see not a minor difference but a major difference between accepting, welcoming, and embracing from affirming. We’re not an affirming church. It’s our understanding and belief that God carefully designed humanity as two biological sexes. Gender is different from sex. Gender is the lived experience of one’s sex, and that is experienced psychologically, socially, and culturally.
Before I go any further, let’s acknowledge:
REALITY:
- People experience same sex attraction.
- People feel distress or discontinuity between their sense of gender and their biological sex.
It is not a sin to experience these realities. Even same sex attraction?! If it’s possible to be married, and experience attraction to other people, but without sinning—this must be possible too. It’s not a sin to experience feelings of distress or discontinuity between one’s sense of gender and biological sex. Please forgive the simplicity of this imagery. But have you ever been in a room and felt out of place? You didn’t know where to go, who to talk to, where to sit, what to do? Can anyone relate to that? Now, imagine feeling that way in your own body.
The last thing we should feel toward that person is contempt or hostility. It would be evil of us to mock that person, and it would be a sin to do anything less than honor them. If you are a Christian and you don’t like that, read your Bible and then repent.
JAMES 3:9-10 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.
Of course, you can follow Jesus and disagree with someone. But we are not free to ever demean anyone or relate to someone as an enemy.
REALITY:
- People experience same sex attraction.
- People feel distress or discontinuity between their sense of gender and their biological sex.
Experiencing these things is not sin. What one does with these very real experiences may be:
- Helpful or Harmful
- Wise or Foolish
- Sinful or Not Sinful
Let’s talk about choices and lifestyles.
[CIRCLE SLIDE]
God’s design is that all sexual activity is experienced, expressed, and enjoyed exclusively between one man and one woman, in the covenant of marriage, for life. Pursuing or acting on anything outside of this circle is outside God’s design for flourishing. Yes, it is our understanding and belief that anything outside of that circle is sin.
Some of you feel relieved by what I just said. When you hear that it feels like this…
Beautiful Music
It feels like beauty and goodness. Some of you feel deeply troubled by what I just said. For you, what I just described feels like this…
Nails on a Chalkboard
You might want to say to me, “You’re talking about behavior. But this isn’t just a behavior thing or a lifestyle thing. This is who I am. This is fundamentally about identity. Believe it or not, I agree. You won’t get any argument from me about that. All I would ask of you is to consider Jesus. His call to all people is to come and find brand new identity in him.
If he was just another guy, that’s crazy. But if he truly is good, if he is love personified, and he rose from the dead—there is a reason to trust him even if he challenges you. The call of Jesus challenges all of us. The call of Jesus isn’t to make this your identity [Pointing to circle].
The call of Jesus is to make this your identity.
[CROSS SLIDE]
The goal isn’t heterosexuality. Jesus never got married and never had sex. And yet, he is the most fulfilled and happy person who ever lived. The goal is new identity in Jesus, becoming more like him.
There was a network of house churches in a fairly progressive city. In this city, almost anything went. If you’ve ever spent time on the Las Vegas strip at night, you have all that you need to imagine the sexual zeitgeist of this city. Years ago, I was interviewing to be a pastor at a church in Las Vegas. They put my wife and me up in a hotel on the strip. Naively, we walked the strip at night. It’s the only time I’ve ever seen my wife try to fight someone. Maybe ask about that in the Q&A.
In this city, prostitution was legal and encouraged. In this city there was a growing community of Jesus followers. Honestly, some were on the struggle bus. There were some sexual choices being by people in the church that made the culture of the city look tame. It appears that men in the church frequented brothels. The church was full of people with robust sexual histories.
There were people with high body counts. Their histories included it all, even the L the G the B and the T. As this growing community of Jesus followers were stumbling and bumbling and sometimes failing to follow Jesus with their sexuality, the Apostle Paul wrote them a letter. These were Christians in the city of Corinth.
1 CORINTHIANS 1:18 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
For people who aren’t yet captivated and compelled by Jesus, what we’re presenting today will sound foolish. We’re willing to hear that. We receive that message. Our response is that we are captivated and compelled by the love of Jesus. What Jesus did on the cross is powerful and it is changing us, it is transforming those of who put our hope and trust in that.
Giving our allegiance to Jesus happens in a moment. And yet, it ignites a process that is shaping, forming, and renewing us for the remainder of our lives.
CRUCIFORM LIFE: We don’t simply BELIEVE in the crucifixion. We are SHAPED by it.
I want to commend a sexual identity and lifestyle that is shaped by the cross.
I love pastor Jon Tyson. I’ve met him. I know people who were members of his church. If there were one person in America who I’d pick to be the representative of Christians, it’s him. He said this.
Christians don’t just ask, ‘What are we doing?’ Christians ask, ‘Who are we becoming?’ –Jon Tyson
In the notes, both online and in print, I’ve given you three sermons by Jon Tyson. I’m begging to watch these three sermons. Whether you hate what I’m saying or love what I’m saying, I think you owe yourself the gift of those three sermons.
RESOURCES (YouTube):
- The Controversial Jesus | Jesus and the Gay Community – Jon Tyson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqF0MwqjuBU&t=37s
- The Controversial Jesus | Jesus, Gender, and the Trans Community – Jon Tyson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IS2oIkfYNwc
- The Controversial Jesus | Sexual Formation – Jon Tyson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTGrYxeEZ9U&list=PL8vSjHOSaE12d8ZPujJfxFzcyNlYBActf&index=3
Who are you becoming? Here’s the challenge of that question, and it may not seem fair. In the moment we think we’re simply engaging in an act, or just having fun, or expressing ourselves. Yet, it’s a fairly normal human experience to realize later that those behaviors and experiences were shaping and forming us. Sometimes we realize it the next morning. Sometimes we don’t realize it for years, maybe a decade later. That’s why I call it unfair.
- We learn that lesson after paying for it with our bodies.
- We might pay for that lesson with relationships.
- We might pay for it with our youth.
- Sometimes we pay for it with the loss of what might have been.
I fully concede that what I’m saying might sound foolish. What I’m commending to you is ridiculously out of step with our culture. Would you be willing to consider a couple of questions?
QUESTION:
- What does it mean to be human?
- Where do sexual ethics come from?
Almost every answer I get is some version of we get to make it up ourselves. If that’s true, then I don’t have any right to tell you that you’re wrong. But you don’t have a right to tell me I’m wrong either. I don’t expect that to be a checkmate. Whatever the answer is, we must work through it. We shouldn’t ignore it.
Unless you agree that there’s nothing wrong with rape or abuse, everyone believes that there are moral boundaries with sex. Things like rape and abuse are wrong—period. That’s not a product of individual opinion or society’s opinion. So, when it comes to the sexual moral boundaries that we all agree with, let’s be brave enough to ask where they come from.
What are the rules? vs Who rules?
If we have courage to ask these questions, we’ll find that we move beyond asking, “What are the rules?” And we’ll have to ask the deeper question, “Who rules?”
If Jesus rules, there is a way of being that is under his authority. He intends to bring life and thriving to those who trust him. If he rules, there is a way of being that rebels against his authority. That would lead away from life and thriving. That was the message that the Apostle Paul wrote to these followers of Jesus in Corinth.
I want to turn a corner and shine a spotlight on something that might be disruptive or uncomfortable for church people. This is going to be adult themed.
1 CORINTHIANS 6:9-11 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
On one hand this is gracious. It doesn’t matter what your background is, new life is offered to everyone who trusts in Jesus. That’s beautiful.
I want to draw our attention to this phrase [And that is what some of you were].
For most people who become followers of Jesus, they attend a church first. They listen to what’s taught first. They test and evaluate it against what they experience from Christians first. Do these people really believe this and do they live it out?
What you’ve got to know was the Roman world was sexually chaotic compared to American culture. Consent did not exist. A person with a higher social and wealth status could take advantage of someone else sexually. This world privileged wealthy men. Their pleasure came at the expense of women, children, and men who were slaves. There was no moral framework that said that was wrong. This is what they knew.
You can imagine that this new Christian message that included the requirement of consent and didn’t allow exploitation was marvelously revolutionary, liberating, and life-giving.
We know from history slaves often made up most of a congregation. Slaves were even leaders and pastors of a church. And we know from history that slave owners began attending churches and became followers of Jesus. This ultimately led to more and more slave owners treating their slaves with dignity, as equals, and then liberating them.
But how do you get to that point. This is where it’s about to get disruptive for church folks. It got to that point because people in the church were welcoming, kind, and accepting—even of the people who used to take advantage of them. Whoa!
CRUCIFORM LIFE: We don’t simply BELIEVE in the crucifixion. We are SHAPED by it.
In the year 754, a man named Bishop Boniface died. He spent his life sharing Jesus with people with Germany. He was very successful. He could have stayed there and lived out his final days in relative comfort, surrounded by people who loved him. But when he was a much younger man, he unsuccessfully attempted to share the gospel in what is present-day Netherlands. So he returned.
One night, an armed group of raiders attacked his camp. Boniface had armed guards with him who readied themselves for battle. As the raiders attacked, Boniface yelled this.
Stop fighting, lads! Give up the battle! For we are taught by the trusty witness of Scripture, that we render not evil for evil, but contrariwise good for evil. –Boniface
He and his travel companions died that night.
CRUCIFORM LIFE: We don’t simply BELIEVE in the crucifixion. We are SHAPED by it.
Whatever you think about that, he was so compelled by the love of Jesus that he would rather be hacked to death than take the life of someone who didn’t yet know Jesus.
Fast forward to Miami, Florida 1977. A new county ordinance was passed that made it illegal to deny someone housing or a job based on sexual orientation. In response to that law, a bunch of Christians and church people launched a political campaign and overturned that law. They rallied and pressured and leveraged political power so that they could deny housing and jobs to people.
Before that happened, there wasn’t a national coalition of folks advancing the LGBTQ cause. But after a group Christians adulterated themselves with political power to deny basic human needs, a national movement was born, and they went on the offensive. Who could blame them?
What would Boniface have said if he could have been there in 1977? What do you think the members of the Corinthian church would’ve said if they could have been there in 1977? They would have said, “WHAT ARE Y0U DOING? THIS IS MADNESS! You’ve got it all wrong. In the cruciform life, you serve and sacrifice for the needs of all people. And if you have power, you use it to lift people up, never to push people down. They would have said that we follow the one whose arm was stretched out by force. One soldier put a knee on his forearm, pressing down with the full weight of his body while the other hammered a spike through his wrist. And while that was happening, Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them. They have no idea what they are doing.”
If Boniface or the folks in the Corinthian church had a message for American Christians today, I think they would say, stop trying to get power and stop trying to impose your way on people. Instead, be like Jesus and trust the power of his way, which is sacrificial love.
Are we beginning to see a life that’s shaped by the cross? May we be a church that trusts Jesus enough to affirm a sexual ethic and way of being that seems foolish to our culture. And may we also be a church that trusts Jesus enough that we would rather be wounded than ever wound anyone else.